August Sunseri
Self Portrait 1 & 2, 2021
SCULPTURE: Yarn, wool, foam, ribbon, acrylic paint//PAINTING: Acrylic on canvas
SCULPTURE: 16 x 16 x 54 inches//PAINTING: 30 x 40 inches
I have always hated making self portraits. Ironically, my CAS project consists of not just one, but two self portraits. As this would be the final project I would create in high school, it felt like a culmination of sorts, and so I decided I wanted to challenge myself by stepping out of my comfort zone - both in material and subject matter. I thought it would be interesting to look back on my high school experience, and reflect on the change that took place during these formative years.
Expressing myself was something I struggled a lot with throughout high school. I had a lot of social anxiety--I was so afraid of being disliked that I oftentimes avoided getting to know new people, and instead stuck to the friends I was already familiar with. Because of this fear, I also struggled to be authentic in my self expression - I was terrified of drawing attention to myself, and so I tried to blend in as much as possible instead of expressing myself in a way that made me happy. I wanted my first self portrait, the sculpture, to represent this part of me that struggled in high school. I wanted it to look ugly and weathered, but also posed and proper - like it was trying to maintain an appearance despite the fact that it was falling apart. I specifically chose textures and materials that reflected the look of decay - I chose to work with felted wool as the texture looks reminiscent of mold, and used knitted material as it was easier to pull apart, making it seem as though my sculpture was decaying or disintegrating. The idea of decay was something I wanted to explore especially in this sculpture - not only because it reflected my idea of ugliness and disgust, but also because decay is part of a cycle - after something decays, and it returns to the earth, new life grows.
My second part of my project, the painting, represents the next part in the cycle of decay - new life. As my high school years unceremoniously come to a close over zoom, I have spent a lot of time reflecting upon the mistakes I made and the regrets I have. However, instead of dwelling on these mistakes and letting my regrets consume me, I have been able to use art to reflect upon them, and grow in the process. This is why I chose to make the second part of my project a portrait of the first - it represents my process of making art. By creating art about the “ugly” parts of my life - my regrets, mistakes, and struggles - I am able to turn them into something else - as a way I can teach myself to grow, as a way I can teach myself to move on. Even this project, which began as only a reflection on how I make art, ended up becoming a way for me to take a step forward - as a way of letting myself be known.
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